Always and Forever
by no dang name is available
Summary: "Don't cry, Tetsuya. It's all right." "It's not all right." "It is, everything's still fine." "No,why did this happen to you, Sei-kun? It's not fair! You were so perfect. So handsome. So smart. So cool. So successful. What did you do to deserve this?" Akashi falls ill. Both of them deal with the repercussions. AkaKuro angst.


**Author's Note**: Because it always seems to be Kuroko who ends up dying. LOL

* * *

The first time Kuroko noticed something off about Akashi was when they were eating dinner together. It had been a normal day. The two of them went to their respective occupations, Kuroko, a kindergarten teacher at a nearby kindergarten, went to work later and came back earlier than Akashi. The red head, the Vice-Chairman of the Akashi Corporation, went about his daily routine like usual. Wake up, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to work.

Kuroko's morning ritual was pretty much the same as the red head's, only he woke up a little bit earlier than usual that day to attempt to make his lover a bento for lunch. Whenever Kuroko tried to do this, it never ended up being more than just onigiri and a boiled egg, but, as Akashi often assured him, it was the thought that counted. If anything, Akashi could just buy more food if he was still hungry, assuming that he'd even have enough time in his work day to do so.

But when night came and the two of them were back in the shared apartment enjoying a peaceful dinner, something incredibly weird happened. Kuroko watched as his lover struggled to pick up a piece of meat with his chopsticks. Usually, the red head ate with a calm and collected grace and etiquette that an emperor might have. Initially ignoring the odd occurrence, Kuroko paid attention to his own food and forgot about the red head's struggle. He brushed it off by saying that the red head was just tired from his day's work. Akashi was human too, after all.

So Kuroko was shocked when, not even five minutes later, Akashi dropped the glass of water he was drinking from and caused it to shatter when it hit the wooden floor. Heterochromatic eyes widened a fraction before composing themselves into an evidently fake sheepish look.

"I'm sorry Tetsuya. Work seems to be taking its toll on me," Akashi lied, "Father gave me a particularly difficult assignment this time with less than satisfactory subordinates to test my efficacy as a leader."

Kuroko narrowed his eyes at the red head, knowing fully well that he was just lied to. But he let it slide, knowing that there was partial truth to it because it was obvious with the way that the red head's usually glowing features were slightly dulled by faint stress lines, and how his straight-backed posture was slouched ever so slightly. Akashi was tired, Kuroko saw that.

"It's all right, Sei-kun," Kuroko said, calling the red head by the nickname he grew fond of over the years, "Just help me clean this up, okay?"

"Of course," Akashi stood up to get a rag to mop up the spilled water while Kuroko grabbed the broom and the dust pan sitting in the corner of the kitchen. Soon the mess was cleared up and it looked as though nothing happened. But both Akashi and Kuroko knew something happened. They, at that point, just didn't know how this one small incident could lead to an inevitable and much larger problem for the two of them.

* * *

Nothing of the sort happened again until a few weeks later. This time though, Akashi was sitting alone in his office attempting to sign some documents for the company merger the Akashi Corporation was in the middle of. He stopped before the pen hit the paper because for some reason, his vision started to blur and his hand couldn't seem to grip the pen correctly. He took off his reading glasses—something he acquired as he got older and his eyesight deteriorated—to rub his eyes, assuming that it had been the lack of sleep due to the not-so-innocent late night activity he did with his lover.

But when he realized that he couldn't even bring his hand up to his face to do so, he knew something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

Without telling anyone, he went to the hospital to get himself checked. Of course, the hospital being Midorima's family-owned hospital, and with Midorima being his primary care physician, the green head was the only person who knew of the visit at the time.

"Tell me again, and skip the part about you and Kuroko having sex last night, I'm your friend and your doctor but I do _not _need to know that," Midorima pinched the bridge of his nose, thinking that the red head, like so many times before, had just been bored out of his mind and decided to play a little mind game with him.

"My vision suddenly became blurry, with my reading glasses on, and I couldn't hold my pen right. It was like all my fine motor skills stopped functioning. Then when I tried to rub my eyes, thinking I was too tired, I couldn't move my arm, at all. But after about a few minutes stuck like that, everything went back to normal, like nothing happened," Akashi explained.

"..." Midorima processed the information before asking, "Was that the first time it happened?"

"Well, no. That's the reason why I'm here. That was the second time it happened. The first time was a few weeks ago. I was eating dinner, and the same thing happened. My vision blurred, and my fine motor skills weren't working as I tried to pick up some food with my chopsticks, and then when I tried to drink a glass of water, my arm lost all sense of feeling half-way and I dropped the glass."

"... Hopefully it's not what I'm thinking, and that you're just fatigued from overworking. I'll have some tests run, and until I get the results, which I'm sure will be negative, but for now, my advice would be to get plenty of sleep, eat right, and try not to overexert yourself," Midorima signed a few papers to order a few tests.

Akashi frowned, "What tests? I think I have the right to know."

"Some of them just the usual tests, you know diabetes, hypertension, and all that," at which Akashi gave him a look that said 'do I look diabetic or hypertensive to you?' Midorima shrugged and said, "As per protocol, those tests are given to anyone that might have been showing symptoms of having it. But, I am ordering a special test that isn't typically given to everyone."

"Now, it's nothing invasive, since it's only a suspicion, but I'm having you get an MRI to see if you have any cerebral problems," Midorima explained.

"You're not telling me everything. An MRI for cerebral problems, yes, but what specifically are you looking for."

"Well," Midorima hesitated, not knowing how to explain it to his friend without causing anxiety, "the tests are never really definitive, but I'm testing you specifically for Multiple Sclerosis."

Akashi stared at the green head, dumbfounded for a good few seconds before he opened his mouth only to not-so-eloquently blurt out, "MS? You think I have MS? Just because of two instances of odd behavior?"

Midorima sighed,"See, I knew you would react like this. But in case you didn't know, Akashi, MS is partially hereditary. And according to your family history, your mother died because of it. I'm only taking precautions. Like I said, I'm expecting you to test negative. And even if the results come out with an indication of you being positive, I'll have you get a spinal tap to make sure."

"It's not likely, but it's not unlikely either."

"... MS, huh?" Akashi said quietly. Midorima sighed yet again and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Don't worry too much about it. I might just be paranoid."

"Don't tell anyone, especially Tetsuya, about this. I'll tell him everything once the results come out," Akashi snapped out of his stupor to look at Midorima directly with his piercing red and gold eyes.

"You have my word as a doctor. But as your friend, I'm just gonna give you advice. In relationships, trust is an important thing, you have to tell him these kinds of things, and because I'm your friend, I'll promise I won't breathe a word about this to Kuroko until you tell him yourself."

"Right. Thanks, Shintarou."

"No problem. The MRI will be on the east wing. I've already ordered it for you, just go over there and give them this," Midorima handed him a signed form, "They'll know what to do."

Akashi nodded and left, hurrying to the east wing to get the MRI and prove genetics wrong.

* * *

When the red head went home from the hospital, it was later than the usual time. Kuroko, sitting at the dining table with their dinner growing cold, worried that something had happened to Akashi because the red head didn't send him a text that he was coming home late—and he always sends texts when he knows he can't make it back on time.

The bluenette heard the door open. Instead of the usual tadaima-okaeri exchange that they have, he was met with dead silence. Kuroko could hear the shuffling of feet as Akashi took off his shoes and neatly placed them on the floor before stepping into the living room. The bluenette, like the red head, chose to stay quiet. It wasn't until Akashi got to the kitchen that Kuroko decided to say something.

"Okaeri."

"Ah," the red head looked surprised, as though he hadn't been expecting Kuroko to be there. Then he laughed.

"I haven't felt that feeling in a while," he said.

Kuroko narrowed his eyes, "When have you ever been surprised by my lack of presence, you _always _notice me."

"I suppose. Tadaima, by the way. And I'm sorry I failed to text you that I would be late today," Akashi sat down across from Kuroko and clapped his hands together. "Ittadakimasu."

The teal head did not follow suit. Instead, he opted to stare at Akashi suspiciously. Something was going on. And it bothered Kuroko that his lover was deliberately hiding it from him.

"You're angry," Akashi noted after he chewed and swallowed his first bite of food.

Kuroko shook his head.

"I know when you're angry and when you aren't, Tetsuya. Believe it or not, I pay attention to your mood changes," Akashi placed another bite of food into his mouth.

"I'm not angry, Sei-kun," Kuroko sighed, "Just bothered."

Akashi placed his chopsticks down on the table to address his lover directly, "I deeply apologize for failing to inform you. Things were so hectic at work that I forgot to text you. Please forgive me, Tetsuya."

"It's not _that _that I'm bothered by," Kuroko frowned and picked up his chopsticks after sighing yet again, "Nevermind. It's all right. I forgive you... _I just wish you wouldn't lie to me like this," _Kuroko added the last part under his breath. But the red head caught it anyway.

It pained Akashi to hurt Kuroko like that. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to tell him just yet. Akashi had to know. He had to know that things were going to be just fine. So that he could reassure both of them that it was nothing. He desperately wanted for it to be just nothing.

So he pretended that he didn't hear Kuroko's comment and continued to eat. Kuroko ate as well, and after cleaning up the dishes together and storing the left overs in the fridge, the two of them sat in bed, Kuroko reading a book, and Akashi on his laptop typing up a report.

Soon it was time for them to go to sleep. Kuroko wasn't upset enough to argue with the red head. Perhaps it really just was as the red head said. Maybe the bluenette was just reading into things too much. Whatever it was, he let it pass and decided to go to sleep instead of pestering Akashi about it.

"Good night," Kuroko kissed Akashi's cheek before sliding further under the covers to lay down faced away from him.

"Good night," Akashi kissed the top of Kuroko's head and turned the lamp on the bedside table off before laying down, facing Kuroko's back. Seconds ticked by and Akashi could tell that Kuroko was asleep when his breathing evened out and soft snores escaped his lips.

He couldn't sleep. At all.

With eyes wide open, he looked at everything he can see in the dark room and scrutinized it as best as he could. When his eyes finally landed on Kuroko's sleeping form, his eyes traced the curve of his neck, to his bulky shoulders and, as his eyes drifted lower, he used his imagination to see the things covered by sheets. The body he'd seen naked on so may occasions was almost like a memorized prayer. Akashi could see it without even having to try.

His arms subconsciously reached for the sleeping young man. He didn't stop them once he realized what they were doing. Instead, he let himself bring Kuroko close, as he'd done many times before, and breathed in the vanilla scented shampoo the teal head used. Kuroko stirred slightly, snuggled closer to the warmth of Akashi's chest and fell straight back into a deep sleep.

Akashi kissed Kuroko's hair softly before closing his eyes, reassuring himself that everything will be just fine.

* * *

It had been more than a week when a phone call came from one Midorima Shintarou. Akashi was in his office yet again, in the middle of discussing marketing plans with the marketing director when his phone rang. Akashi excused himself upon seeing the name he had been waiting for.

"Yes?" Akashi spoke into the receiver after pressing the accept button.

"The results came in," came Midorima's professional voice.

"And?"

"Let's talk about it in person. Come by when you're free. Bring Kuroko with you this time."

Akashi's heart sank. "Just tell me, Shintarou."

"Akashi, we need to talk about matters like this in private and in person. With your position and your reputation, who knows who could be listening in on your phone calls."

"Dammit Shintarou, I don't give two shits," Akashi rarely cursed, but he was getting nervous. If it was good news, then Midorima wouldn't make such a big deal about it.

"... The test indicates that it _may _be positive. But we need more tests to be sure. You need to get a spinal tap."

Akashi knew it was going to be something to that effect. He cursed himself for being right all the time.

"... Thanks for telling me. I'll be there on Friday at 5."

"No problem, Akashi. And don't worry too much about it. Remember to tell Kuroko."

"Right. I will. Thanks again," and with that, Akashi ended the phone call. Leaning his back against the wall, he ran his fingers through his hair more roughly than usual and sighed heavily.

Here came the hard part. What was he going to tell his lover?

* * *

The red head came home that night with his entire body feeling heavy. Kuroko had already cooked dinner and was waiting for him to get into more comfortable clothing before they ate. Akashi stared at himself in the mirror as he undid his tie. His fingers were working perfectly, functioning with dexterity and accuracy. He couldn't believe the results. There was no way. They had made a mistake. Akashi was sure of it.

Sighing, he changed into a long sleeved shirt and sweatpants before leaving their shared room.

"How was your day, Sei-kun?" Kuroko smiled at him gently. Akashi attempted to smile back but the weariness was evident in his face. Kuroko caught it immediately.

"Did something bad happen at work?"

"... You could say that," Akashi said after a while.

Kuroko clapped his hands and bowed, saying a quick 'Ittadakimasu' before digging into his food slowly. Akashi followed suit.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Kuroko said, a few bites into his meal, "But I'd really prefer that you did. I want to help in any way I can."

"It's not a big deal really," Akashi expertly lied, but Kuroko was perceptive.

"I really don't like it when you lie to me, Sei-kun."

They were both silent for a while after that.

"... Sorry," Akashi apologized, which surprised Kuroko. The red head rarely apologized, but that was not why he was shocked. The tone of the red head's voice was so frail and so soft that Kuroko _knew _something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong.

"Seijuurou-kun?" Kuroko used his lover's full name, "Please, tell me what's wrong. You're starting to scare me."

"I... I..." Akashi, it seemed, couldn't say it.

"_Please_."

"I didn't tell you about this because I didn't think it would be a big deal," Akashi began. Kuroko frowned but listened nonetheless.

"I went to Shintarou for a check up a few days ago. I'm sure you've noticed that recently, I've been sort of... out of it. I would drop things, be unable to grip pens, and little things like that," said Akashi, "So to see if something was wrong, I went to Shintarou."

"... And?" Kuroko was already feeling dread.

"And he asked me a few questions. You know, the usual questions a doctor would ask. Then he reminded me that my mother died because she had multiple sclerosis... And well, he had me get an MRI."

"_And_?" Kuroko wanted to know.

"And the results came back today," Akashi took a deep breath before looking at Kuroko directly, "Shintarou says that I _may _have it, but I have to come back and get a spinal tap to be sure..."

Kuroko blinked, not knowing how to react. He was sad that Akashi didn't trust him enough to tell him from the very beginning. But at the same time, he understood how the red head must have felt. And then came the devastation at the fact that the love of his life might have a terminal illness. Kuroko didn't know exactly what multiple sclerosis was, but he knew enough to understand that Akashi will eventually die because of it if he had it.

The teal head must have been unresponsive for a long time because the next thing he knew, Akashi was waving his hand over his eyes, trying to get his attention.

"Hey," Akashi said gently and cupped Kuroko's cheeks, "Look at me. We're okay, all right? _I'm_ okay. Don't stress yourself over this. We'll go to the hospital this Friday, I'll get the test and we'll know if I really have it or not. But for now, let's just assume that I don't have it and live normally. Okay?"

Kuroko could only nod.

* * *

Friday came and Kuroko joined his lover in the hospital waiting area. Akashi's name finally got called and they both stood up to go into the prep room. Akashi had to change into a hospital gown and the nurses had to make sure that everything was sterile. Kuroko watched from afar as the red head curled his body into a fetal position. Already, he looked so vulnerable, so far from the intimidating ex-captain of the Generation of Miracles he was once a upon a time. But Kuroko had to hope for the best. He had to. Or else he would just break down.

The test was over, just like that. The fluid was successfully drawn and Akashi was already carefully uncurling his body. The red head supported his bandaged lower back as he sat up slowly and smiled at Kuroko through the glass.

Kuroko hesitatingly smiled back, putting up a strong front for the two of them. They would get the results in a few days, and then they will know for sure. And just like Akashi said, until then, they would live life like how they normally would. Like nothing happened. And Kuroko will be damned if he didn't try to make things as normal as he possibly could.

So for the weekend, Akashi managed to get two days off and decided that they would take a trip to an onsen.

The warm water was refreshing and relaxing. Of course, Akashi had to make sure that he wouldn't get infections on the fresh wound on his lower back, but otherwise, the trip was amazing. They enjoyed the scenery, the food, and each other's company. It felt like they just started dating all over again. There was passion, lust, and most of all, love in all of their interactions. And neither one of them could get enough of the other.

Akashi attacked Kuroko's lips fiercely, and not at all relenting, Kuroko kissed back with equal ferocity. Hands were roaming everywhere, touching every square inch of skin that could possibly be touched. Fingers threaded through locks of hair, clutching and pulling lightly because of the intensity of the pleasure. Screams and moans escaped throats until they were raw from use.

Coming back from their trip, they were exhausted but glowing, and they were ready for anything, it seemed.

But reality came crashing cruelly down upon them when Midorima phoned Akashi Monday evening with the results of his test. The red head's grip on his phone slackened as the news hit him hard. Midorima tried to tell him to be calm, that everything was going to be all right, but Akashi couldn't hear anything.

The phone fell to the ground.

Very faintly, Akashi could hear the green head's voice calling out to him. But everything faded to black for the red head.

* * *

Once again, Akashi and Kuroko found themselves in the hospital. This time, they were in Midorima's office. They were both quiet as the green head proceeded to explain what was going to happen next. How the disease might progress. How it depended on the severity. How they didn't really know for sure what could happen and how fast things could happen. How there needed to be changes in their life. How Akashi had to tell his father about it. How Akashi will eventually have to quit his job. How Akashi will eventually not be able to do certain things. Simple things. Like writing, typing, and buttoning clothes. And in between the lines of what Midorima said were the unspoken things. Things that Akashi needed to live. Like walking, eating, drinking, _breathing_.

But the one thing that was on Akashi and Kuroko's mind was _how long until Akashi dies._ And of course, Midorima had no answer to that.

The two left the office feeling awkward. They didn't know how to interact. Kuroko didn't know whether to cry or to be strong. Akashi couldn't even look at Kuroko. The awkward silence was only broken by an even more awkward laughter._  
_

Kuroko glanced worriedly at his lover, who insisted on driving the car, before turning his eyes back on the road, being extra vigilant for anything that his lover might not see and react to in time.

"You're being too stiff, Tetsuya," Akashi commented, laughing genuinely this time.

"S-sorry," Kuroko felt embarrassed having not known how obvious he was being.

"I'm fine. Shintarou said it might even be years for any real signs of degeneration will come out. Don't worry too much about your life right now," Akashi joked, "Don't you trust me?"

"Seijuurou-kun," Kuroko sighed, smiling softly at his lover's good humor, thankful that he still had it despite what they had just learned, "Of course I trust you."

"Then stop acting like I'm gonna crash the car. We're fine," Akashi reached over to ruffle Kuroko's hair.

"I love you, Sei-kun," Kuroko blurted out as he tried to fix his now messed up hair.

Akashi chuckled, "You're making it seem like I'm going to drop dead in the next few seconds."

"Sei-kun," Kuroko said warningly, "Don't joke about things like that. My heart can't handle it yet."

"Too soon?" Akashi asked.

"Too soon," Kuroko confirmed.

"Sorry," Akashi apologized. And after a while, he said, "I love you too, Tetsuya. I love you so much."

Kuroko grabbed Akashi's hand and intertwined their fingers together. They held each other's hands tight until they reached the apartment complex parking garage.

* * *

Everything normal for a long time with only a few instances where Akashi struggled with his motor skills, or has temporary paralysis. Kuroko learned to laugh it off and even tease Akashi about it to lighten the mood. Akashi played along and laughed with the teal head whenever he made clumsy mistakes like dropping his chopsticks, or struggling to write, or even being unable to move.

Until one morning, the two of them woke up as usual. Akashi went to the shower while Kuroko cooked their breakfast and prepared Akashi's lunch. The red head finished his shower without difficulties and was able to dry himself off and put on his pants. He managed to put his arms through the sleeves but when he got to buttoning up his shirt, he couldn't do it at all. And all the pressure from not being able to do something so simple made him growl at himself in anger. No matter what he did, his fingers wouldn't seem to cooperate with him. All the pent up frustration came out by punching the mirror that seemed to mock him as he stood in front of it with a shirt that wasn't buttoned.

Kuroko rushed into the room when he heard a loud noise. He saw Akashi's knuckles bleeding, red stained on the cracked mirror. And finally, he saw that the red head was still attempting to button up his shirt. Kuroko stopped the struggling hands and buttoned up his shirt for him, then he grabbed a tie nearby and tied it for him as well. Akashi lowered his head onto Kuroko's shoulder and leaned his weight against him before mumbling something into Kuroko's ear.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do it."

If Kuroko knew the gravity of that line, he didn't reveal it to Akashi. He hugged the red head and kissed his neck quietly. "Don't apologize Akashi-kun, it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault."

They both ignored the shattered mirror and the pieces of it strewn across the floor.

* * *

It was almost a year after that incident that Akashi began to deteriorate at a much faster rate. The read head eventually reached the point where he can barely walk and finally had to get a wheel chair. By then, Akashi had told his father, and informed him that as soon as he was incapable of standing up on his own, he would resign from his position.

Akashi had already accepted his fate at that time. He was just sorry that it was all happening too fast. He can't even hold a spoon to feed himself anymore. Kuroko had to feed him.

"Say 'ah,'~" Kuroko smiled at Akashi who pouted at his lover.

"I'm not a child, Tetsuya."

"Hai, hai. Still, say 'ah,'" Kuroko held the spoonful of mush in front of Akashi. Kuroko didn't want it to be evident in his face, so he forced a smile on it everyday. It hurt him to see his proud Akashi Seijuurou in this state. It hurt him to be depended on by this once very much independent man.

Akashi opened his mouth and the teal head placed the spoon in it gently.

* * *

Another year passed and the rapid degeneration slowed down. Akashi was still wheelchair bound, and Kuroko had to help him do many things. At first, it was a huge change for the teal head. He thought he wouldn't be able to do it, physically and emotionally. But as Akashi physically became lighter and lighter, the burden on Kuroko's emotions were pushed away by the sense of having to protect and care for his lover.

It was almost second nature to Kuroko by then to help Akashi get up out of bed and into the wheelchair, and then help him eat. At that time, Akashi was admitted into the hospital, not able to stay in their apartment any longer. Kuroko still worked as a kindergarten teacher, but he spent most of his time in the hospital with his lover.

He only went back to their apartment to shower, do their laundry, and pick up new clothes for the two of them. Akashi stayed relatively the same for a few more months until his eyesight started to deteriorate. At first, things were just blurry at certain times. And eventually things were blurry all the time. And finally, Akashi practically became blind. Akashi smiled a pained smile as he looked at Kuroko blankly one day and brought his hands up to Kuroko's face to feel his features.

"I can't see you anymore," Akashi chuckled as his hands roamed over the bluenette's cheeks, "But I can feel you, and I can imagine what you look like."

Kuroko knew, without the red head having to tell him, that his eyesight was deteriorated to the point of blindness. He stayed still and allowed his hands to touch his face all over. He tried not to cry but he couldn't hold it in. All he could really do was cry silently and not let any sobs escape his throat. Akashi felt the wetness from Kuroko's tears and he wiped them away with his thumbs.

"Don't cry, Tetsuya. It's all right," Akashi comforted him.

"It's not all right," Kuroko finally said with a choked voice.

"It is, everything's still fine."

"No," Kuroko couldn't control himself anymore, "Why did this happen to you Sei-kun? It's not fair! You were so perfect. So handsome. So smart. So cool. So successful. What did you do to deserve this?"

Akashi's face softened at Kuroko's words, "I'm glad you thought of me that way. I _was _that person once, Tetsuya. But I'm not him anymore. And I'm happy that you're still here even though I'm practically useless now."

"Don't say that. Sei-kun is not useless."

"Thank you. But I'm only saying the truth. For the two of us. I guess I have to admit that everything isn't fine. But it's still all right. We have to accept the cards we're dealt with."

"..." Kuroko didn't know what to say. Akashi, as always, was right. There were only certain times when Kuroko hated it that Akashi was right. And this time was definitely one of them. He laughed at the irony and shook his head. "... Why is it that it's Sei-kun who's comforting me?"

Akashi laughed, "Hmm, why is it indeed?"

"I love you, Sei-kun. Always."

"I love you too, Tetsuya. Forever."

* * *

Eventually, Akashi was bedridden, hooked onto a respirator, unable to see and to speak. Many friends came to visit. They brought flowers, a basketball, DVDs, mementos, food, music, shogi pieces. No one seemed to be able to accept what had happened to the once proud and venerated captain of the Generation of Miracles and Rakuzan.

No visitor was able to stay without letting out a tear. Kuroko was used to it by then. The teal head stayed in the hospital a lot more at this time. He took care of the red head, went to work, came back to the hospital right after. He began to neglect himself.

Everyone tells him to go home, for once, to take a shower. To sleep well.

But Kuroko always refused. He only went back to the apartment when Akashi was asleep and when he really needed to.

When Akashi was awake, Kuroko was always there. The teal head would talk to him, to make sure that the red head was still responsive. And he was. Mentally, Akashi was perfectly functional. He could still smile at Kuroko's jokes and frown at Kuroko's taunts.

Then one day, Akashi motioned for Kuroko to come closer. He couldn't make a sound other than breathy noises because of the tracheostomy, but Kuroko managed to understand what Akashi was trying to tell him.

"_Letter... apartment... our room... get it now._"

Curious, Kuroko reluctantly agrees to leave the red head even though he was awake. He went back to their apartment to search for any sign of the letter in their room.

When at last he found it, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Scrambling to answer it, Kuroko pressed the accept button and heard a solemn voice on the other line.

Kuroko drops both the phone and the letter before falling to his knees, his whole world collapsing in on him.

Three words. Three simple words that broke Kuroko.

"Akashi is gone."

* * *

Kuroko visited the red head's grave every day bringing flowers with him. He would always talk to Akashi like he was still there, sitting right in front of him. And everyday, Kuroko would bring out a worn piece of paper and read it out loud until he was satisfied or until he had to force himself to go home.

It was the letter that Akashi had him find the day that he died. The letter was actually written before Akashi made a quick turn for the worst. It wasn't a very long letter. It was straight to the point, and very much like how Akashi was when he was still alive.

_Tetsuya_,

_I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you ever since we first met. I'm sorry for whatever cruel things I've done to your friends. I'm sorry for hurting you so much. I'm sorry for falling in love with you. Because in the process, I made you love me too. And I don't deserve your love. When you read this letter, I'm probably about to die, or already dead._

_I'm sorry for letting you go through this by yourself. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to fight against this disease. But most of all, I'm sorry I can't love you anymore. I don't want to die, Tetsuya. I want to be with you forever. I want to love you forever. I want to live._

_But I'm at the mercy of biology here. And this is a fight that I cannot win. I'm sorry I lost. Don't ever forget that __I love you. But please do forget that you love me. Please find someone else to make you forget all about me. Please, please be happy._

_I want you to be happy. I'm just sad that I can't be there to be happy with you._

_I remember we promised to love each other always and forever. But evidently, we can't. I'm sorry I broke the promise._

_I will love you even after I die. But if you could do me a favor, please stop loving me and be happy._

_Yours forever,_

_Akashi Seijuurou._


End file.
